Talking about grief is never easy. Perhaps that's why we don't talk about it. I mean like at all. For me, I think it was always this fear that I projected onto to others that I would make them sad if I talked about how I felt. It turns out, the only person I was hurting was myself. I don't think I ever fully realized the toll that losing both of my parents so close together would have on me.
But then suddenly I had this huge epiphany. This sort of WTF moment where I realized that it was finally manifesting itself. I was having panic attacks, feeling overwhelmed ( oh yeah, that's anxiety) and somehow had been living in my own time warp as I had no real grasp on how long ago they had passed away. But now I can say, as hard as it is that it's been seven years without a Dad and four without a mother. Which is wild because to be honest I didn't think I'd still be standing once they were gone. When the two people that brought you into this world are gone how can you feel that you still exist?
So I guess I'm talking about this for a few reasons. Today marks 4 years exactly since my Mom passed suddenly. I want people to know that it's ok to be sad sometimes. I think I got lost in this image that others painted of me of this "happy go lucky" super chill, low maintenance person and wanting to continue to live up to that despite inside wanting to burst. And to a degree I still am that "old" Rachel but also a new one that has scars and imperfections and I'm alright with that. And lastly, I was inspired by the release of Sheryl Sandberg's latest book, "Option B" where she talks about the unexpected loss of her husband and how she has dealt and continues to deal with the grief in an attempt to move on. I hope this in some way creates a dialogue. Whether you've lost someone close to you or are just having a bad day know that it's more than fine to talk about it and no one should have to suffer in silence.